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Unsatisfactory Sex-Life...is an Important Reason for People to Go For “Extra-Marital Relations” or “Divorces” Introduction In a Country where using the word “Sex” itself is a big taboo; where anyone talking anything below belt is consider as a “Character Less” person, how can one talk about “ Love Making”? I agree that ours is a country which gave to this world “the art of love making” through pictorial presentation of “KAMASUTRA” but we still hesitate and feel shy, when one is asked to explain those positions. Just look into your “Sex Life” and see if what you are doing in “Love Making” or it is just a “Lust”? Are you having “fun” while making-love or you are just “inviting in” or “inserting in” as “fire” there is not bearable? This article is prepared with the inputs from 467 people across the country and out-of them around 287 where females and among them 261 had experienced “Love-Making”. Most of these ladies did mentioned that in their married life...it is just “Roll-on; Roll-Off and Sleep”. There is no doubt that “Physical Relations” are important for the long-lasting “love-relations” between couple. Unsatisfactory Sex Life can lead to “Extra-Marital Relations” or “Divorces”. Lets discuss about it. Why “Love-Making” is important? What is the importance of “Foreplay” is satisfactory “Love Intercourse”. After the game is over, what is that a male or female expects from each other? And things like that. Lets being with “KAMASUTRA”. History...behind KAMASUTRA The KAMASUTRA history leads us back to the ancient India, between the 1st and 6th centuries (although the exact year of its writing still unknown). Considered by many specialists as the most important and influent book on the human sexuality, the KAMASUTRA (which was actually written by Vatsyayana, a scholar on Indian traditions) is today commonly mistaken as a plain and simple compendium of sex positions, or a manual to the art of sex. Other than that, the KAMASUTRA is a real document of an important part of Indian customs and traditions, showing many thoughts and ideas that still fit in our today's society values. There are, indeed, descriptions and paintings of sex positions on the original KAMASUTRA. The author Vatsyayana regarded lovemaking as being much more than physical encounter, but also an important spiritual act of love and learning, a "divine union" as the author refers on the book. He considered that there were only eight possible sex positions, multiplied by eight. The total amount of 64 sex positions being called "The 64 Arts". However, only about 20% of the KAMASUTRA was dedicated to sex positions, and the rest is in fact a compendium on insights about the relationships between men and women and in the ancient India's social and religious life. The KAMASUTRA only reached the Eastern civilization in 1883, thanks to Sir Richard Burton, who wrote the first English translation for the book. Since then, other two key translations from the original KAMASUTRA in Sanskrit were made: one in 1970 by Indra Sinha and the most recent one by Wendy Doniger in 2002. However, we may find plenty of "unofficial" translations focusing only on the sex positions (and including several positions not listed on the original), specially on the Internet. Most of these versions have little in common with the original KAMASUTRA. KAMASUTRA in its true Sense For many people – especially in the Western world - KAMASUTRA is merely a collection of different love-making positions, a combination of acrobatics and pornography. But for the Eastern mind, the true meaning of KAMASUTRA reaches beyond this purely physical interpretation. For them, sex – in all of its forms - is sacred. It reproduces the ultimate creative act, the union of the masculine and the feminine cosmic principles. Sex is the cause of the creation and manifestation of the universe. According to Tantra, sexual intercourse, however trivial it may seem, is sacred, cosmic (even when the lovers do not acknowledge this fact, which is usually the case). When doing the asanas (the yoga positions adopted for the ritual), tantra seeks to "divinize" the couple and their sexuality. Without this spiritual element, KAMASUTRA and Koka Shastrano wouldn't evoke divine rituals. These two treatises aim to increase sensual voluptuousness. To this end, they propose several sex techniques, with a focus on love-making positions. In fact, the asanas, or traditional positions for joint meditation, are specific and scarce. Tao teachers have chosen the most comfortable positions for prolonging intercourse, sometimes even up to two hours without having to move much, for this would hinder interiorization during divine intercourse. They are usually so comfortable that complete physical and mental relaxation is achieved, and alternative consciousness levels, or even sleep, can be reached. The asanas must also favor magnetic interchange of vital energy, and facilitate control over ejaculation and the body's health. Tantra dismisses (at least at the beginning) the most common position used in the Western world - the so-called "missionary position" (Uttana bandka in Sanskrit), in which the man lies over the woman. This position is rejected by Tao followers because it does not facilitate control. Famous Love-Making Positions Genital Sex: -Missionary Sex Position: The most famous and common position: man on top and woman at the bottom, with her legs spread, there is direct penetration; -Feet on his shoulders Sexual Position: While man is kneeling, the woman rests her legs on his shoulders; From Behind: -Leapfrog Sex Position: It looks like the doggy position, but here, the woman's torso is lower; -Spread-Eagle Sex Position: While the woman is laid and facing down, the man must be on top; Woman on Top: -Cowgirl Sexual Position: With the man lying down on his back, the woman sits on top facing him; -Reverse Cowgirl Sex Position: The same as above, but in this position the woman faces away; Sitting and Kneeling: -Black Bee Sexual Position: The man sits on the floor with her hands behind him. The woman sits on top, with her hands on his shoulders; -Watching the Game Sex Position: Man sits in a chair and the woman sits on top of him, face-to-face; Standing: -Wheelbarrow Sexual Position: The woman must be lifted by something, so the man penetrates her, standing; -Stand and Carry Sex Position: While the man, standing, holds the woman, she wraps her legs around his waist and holds on his shoulders. What is Foreplay and what is its importance in “Satisfactory” Love-Making Foreplay consists of sexually stimulating activities that usually lead to intercourse. Since it generally takes women longer to physically become ready for intercourse, foreplay is important in ensuring that the female partner will find lovemaking as satisfying as the male. As foreplay intensifies and a woman becomes increasingly sexually excited, she experiences physiological changes: The labia gradually become swollen and turn a deeper color of pink, the vagina secretes a lubricating fluid that makes insertion of the penis easier, and her nipples harden. For a man, foreplay generally strengthens an erection and increases the urge to have intercourse and ejaculate. Some Basic Techniques Considered as Foreplay are : Kissing and deep kissing on the mouth and across the body Stroking the erogenous zones Fondling the breasts Nipple stimulation and sucking Sensual massage Frottage (rubbing) and digital manipulation of genitals Oral sex Strip tease Lap dance Body painting Showering together Use of vibrators and other sex toys There is no time limit to foreplay. And some couples routinely engage in foreplay that does not lead to intercourse and ejaculation. However, most consider foreplay the appetizer and intercourse the main course. In any relationship where sex is involved, foreplay can be almost as important as if not necessary for the actual sex act to occur. Technically I think of foreplay as any activity that occurs as a precursor to the sex act that has the intent of increasing the level of excitement in your partner and yourself or for preparing one another for the sex act. After discussing about “KAMASUTRA”...”Various Positions involved” in love-making...and importance of “Foreplay” ...lets share what male or female want from each other...after sexual intercourse Most of the people just sleep over without even asking their partners as how they feel or what they want. As a result they feel dejected and hurt. So, what males like after sex? After asking many a man what he likes to do after making love, taking a nap topped the list by a landslide, and having a snack came in at second. Now, in a man's ideal world, every woman would get up after lovemaking, prepare a warm snack for her man and then stroke his hair while he takes a long nap. And although there are women out there who do comply with such a request, chances are it won't become the post-sex routine you're hoping for. It just ain't going to happen. Relationships are about give and take, and while giving her an orgasm and taking a nap fit the rhetoric, that's not the way it's going to be. Recent statistics released by the University of Chicago also reveal an important fact: Married men, and not their single counterparts, are the most physically and emotionally fulfilled when it comes to sex. They say that the feelings of sharing have never been stronger than in the moments that follow sex. Which isn't to say that both men and women don't complain of spouses who get out of bed too quickly to wash up, or go back to chores, or turn on the TV, or roll over and fall asleep. They just want to talk about each other...not about their kids or relatives etc. It should both of them. For many men, the loss of an erection after sex can also beckon the loss of a bond, a shrinking and even shirking away. Want some useless words of advice? Try not to take it personally. If your husband's haste to jump out of bed upsets you, therapists recommend looking at the act of lovemaking as a process that can start as early as dressing for dinner and not conclude until you're both emotionally ready to end your intimacy. The word postcoital implies there's something that happens before and something that happens after, and that there is an it. All there is is a whole. Now, what is that a female want after “Sexual Intercourse”? I can't pretend to know what every single one wants after sex. The desires range from cuddling and talking to being left alone and being fed. But from what I could gather, touching definitely topped the list. They want to cuddle. It's no secret; just about every woman loves it when her man finishes doing his thing only to flip her around and hug her in the spoon position. That's the goldmine of affectionate actions. Flipping her around isn't even necessary, but chances are that some kind of bodily touching may be. Why? Well, because sharing in a very sacred experience with a woman likely leaves her feeling vulnerable. And something as small as wrapping your arm around her can make all the difference. They want to talk. Although many guys aren't big fans of the "cuddle," there are even less men around who want to talk once the deed is over. But if she wants to talk, you may have to keep your ears open and listen up. Chances are that she will likely talk about what went down -- especially if you had her yelling out like a banshee. And I'm quite sure that your "stork able" ego will overtake your need for some shuteye when it comes to such a topic anyway. She may pamper you by saying, “Let's do it again”. If she's still raring to go after the first round, chances are she'll be all over you, doing her best to let you know that the evening call for a second round. Between playing with herself and stroking your penis, you may just find yourself going into round two before you know it. But if you're older and more comfortable in your relationship, chances are that you may not be as easily aroused for round two, and, of course, that isn't your fault. Add that to the fact that you probably did all the work and it's quite possible that your little man won't be good to go right away. Conclusion “Love-Making” is a process. There is a beginning...there is Delivery and then there is an end. More than “just” physical, it is an emotional bonding. And let me tell you, if people are going for “Extra-Marital Relations” one of the main reason for that is “Unsatisfactory” Sexual Relations. Even law says that unsatisfactory “sex relations” is a valid reason for divorce. You can make your love life interesting and enjoyable...you just need “imagination” or “innovation”. Have a “enjoyable” and “fun filled” life. Always be together and love each other. Looking forward to your comments and feedback. With lots of love and care penis enlargement doctor penis enlagement forum homemade pennis enlargement penis enhancement excersizes cheap penis enargement top rated penile enlargment pills penile enlargment tip penis enlargement pic

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Everyone should know that when testosterone is metabolized, it produces DHT as one of the by-products, which is what allows your muscles and erections to grow. That is a good thing! However, DHT that doesn't get burned up during sex or working out is also what is at the root of your prostate problems to begin with. The fact of the matter is that DHT is always being produced, and a lot of us simply cannot burn it off fast enough--no matter how much we work out in the gym or how much sex we have. In the case of prostate problems, one camp blames a lack of testosterone while the other camp blames too much of it. I have even heard of a doctor suggesting castration as a means of preventing the spread of prostate cancer because he believed it was the only way to prevent testosterone from acting as fuel for the cancer. Talk about a case of throwing away both the baby and the bathwater! I'm sure that we've all heard at some point or another the notion that more sex is the solution to prostate problems, citing as evidence the high incidence of prostate cancer in celibate priests. Let's think about this for a moment: If more sex was really the solution, how come a certain rock-star died from prostate cancer? Also, if prostate cancer is the number one cancer killer of males, were all these murdered males celibate? Not likely... While plain common sense would indicate that utter sexual abstinence may be harmful over the course of a lifetime, prostate cancer remains the number one cancer-killer of males DESPITE the fact that very few males are either rock stars or priests! So, prostate cancer has little to do with sexual activity or the testosterone that fuels it. Rather, it is an issue of how we handle the excessive DHT in our bodies. With today's meat and hormone-filled diets it should be no wonder that our current report card is so poor. This is why pro-hormone supplementation is replete with warnings that people with prostate problems should not be taking their products. (Bodybuilders love excess DHT which they can direct into their muscle tissue.) Benign prostatic hyperplasia, often referred to as simply BPH, is an enlargement of the prostate gland that usually occurs in men who are over the age of 50. This enlargement in the prostate gland can cause a gradual squeezing of the urethra, which makes urinating difficult and painful. Many men who experience this prostate problem do not have any symptoms at all and it may not be detected until an annual rectal exam. Men with this prostate problem who do experience symptoms are likely to notice difficulty in starting urination, frequent urination as well as an increased frequency in awakening at night to urinate. Prostate cancer, another prostate problem, is perhaps the most severe and is one of the leading types of cancers diagnosed in American men. Each year almost a quarter of a million new cases are diagnosed. It is estimated that prostate cancer will affect one out of every ten men. Each year more than 30,000 men die from prostate cancer. Because of the seriousness of this prostate problem, prostate cancer is perhaps the most serious of all the different types of prostate disease. Prostate cancer generally occurs in men who are over the age of 65, although cases in younger men have been reported. There is a high incidence of prostate cancer occurring in men who are shown to have a family history of this type of prostate disease. African-American men are considered to be particularly at risk for prostate cancer and suffer from the highest death rates related to this disease. penile enlargment video penis enargement herb enlagement erection penis pill vimax best penile enlargement surgery free penile enlargement pills do penis enlagement pills really work free exercise tip for penis elargement penis elargement doctor pnis enlargement traction device

At one time in my life I lead my marriage under my own understanding of what I thought was righteous and good. I was all-powerful. God? Who’s that? I was rebellious and stubborn to my husband because I was married to my selfish lifestyle and wayward beliefs that kept me from accepting and recognizing God. I rejected my husband sexually because I often thought all he wanted was sex. How could anyone love me, after all I didn’t like the person who I had become? I rejected God for my life too, and that was the biggest mistake I had ever made. I wanted to be in control just like most women want to be in control of their destiny and their life. And women do control well. In many marriages today women control the ship with poisonous demands while their husband’s cringe in the galleys like little lost boys who can’t find their way home. This is really happening, folks, and most people take it all in with a grain of salt. It makes movies like Broke Back Mountain come alive in its all its perverted sexuality. Hollywood filmmakers and the Foreign Press promote and support the woman’s movement by slowly creating men to be distorted wimpy guys. The agenda has been going on for sometime now. It is a slow brainwash movement through the use of Hollywood and TV to make people think it is acceptable to be homosexual. Whether this is done for political reasons or not, it doesn’t matter because it is all in direct rebellion to God of Creation. I truly don’t believe there are so many perverted individuals in the world to elect this garbage for top performance. These Hollywood programs are rigged. It is a bunch of propaganda to get people to give in and to believe in them instead of God. Ask yourself this. Did God make another man out of the rib of Adam to be his companion? How could two men make babies and multiply the earth? They would both die old men and creation would be over!! Did God give Eve a penis? Why is woman made with such beauty and sexual care if not to give the “real man” great satisfaction in bed? [Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; … Leviticus 18:22] Did you know that that according to the Golden Globe Awards the top motion picture in Hollywood this year is about a couple of gay cowboys? This establishes a precedent for Hollywood to continue making more perverted trash. It’s nothing but filth! Is this what you want your children to watch? When debauched films like BrokeBack Mountain become highly praised for their outright deviance the world is surely living in Sodom. Ah yes, biblical history coming back alive in the world. It happens all the time. I don’t take the bible literally but you don’t have to!! Look at the whole theme of the bible and it will answer all your questions on morality and ethics. [Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders or thieves or the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 1Corinthians 6:9] Why do you think there is so much divorce in this country? Some men are rethinking their own sexuality and deciding to go ahead and give the woman the lead to direct the ship to shore. They are bowing down to the woman’s movement because they have no spirituality, belief and religious conviction within them. They’re not the captains of their own ships because they themselves have no captain! This is the root of the problem. Where there is no God, there is no righteousness. When a man does not allow God to command his own life he has no direction for his wife and family and cannot lead his home correctly because his heart does not hold the proper guidance of scripture. There is no spiritual conviction to lead the home. The woman will take advantage of her spiritual bankrupt husband and become out of control thinking she is really in control. She will become bossy, stubborn, controlling and rebellious in the marriage because she has been brainwashed into believing she is superior to her male counterpart. You see this happening in Hollywood films all the time. You see it on TV every single night. Women being belligerent in the home, ignoring her children, committing adultery because she wants to have her own career and live the way SHE WANTS. It doesn’t matter what God wants for her. Neither spouse realizes that the home only needs proper spiritual guidance to lead it according to its true purpose. To love, honor, and commit your self to one another. It is an unethical philosophy taking over the mind of women today. It is destroying families. It is appalling how this accepted wisdom from the world is overtaking the minds of men. Men should be giving in to God, not some unspiritual woman who is trying to find her own way home and thinks she found it through some meaningless woman’s movement. I believe that if a woman of the home can see clear enough to take her role as wife and mother seriously by acknowledging the spiritual Christ within her soul, she will see the truth for what it is. She doesn’t know that the truth will set her free from her self and that the unethical movement she is believing in is in direct rebellion to God and is untruth - a lie told by satan to break marriages apart. [God made them male and female and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. Mathew 19:4] She must FIRST fix herself before she can love the man she married. She will discover how unique she is of her husband in a good way, and that she can compliment and help buildup her husband rather than constantly battle with him for her missing self. She should not be hesitant to be the beautiful creature God made her to be. [Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.] Titus 2:4-5 Bottom line is marriage is not designed to accommodate two captains. Have you ever seen two captains charting one ship? Have you ever seen two Chief Executive Officers controlling one corporation? Have you ever seen two master chefs in one restaurant? Have you ever seen two dentists in one office? Have you ever seen two train conductors guiding the train? You get my point, right? What can a man do when his wife abuses his manhood and won’t let him lead? He desperately needs to become the spiritual leader of the home and take the lead in that arena now! Accept God for you life! Study the bible diligently and seek out all that God wants for you and your marriage. A man will never truly be happy until he realizes his purpose and calling in life and then goes after those things with gusto. [Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a WISE MAN who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall, because if had its foundation on the rock.] Matthew 7:24-25 ~~ top rated penis enhancement pills natural penile enlargment penis enlargement operation enlarement free penis pills sample vimax enlargement manhattan penis surgeon side effects magna rx cheap vigrx pills enlargement free penis pills sample pnis enlargement traction device

When thinking about my patients, I've noticed a pattern to the marital conflicts that they share. Here's my list of the top ten things that put your marriage at higher risk for break-up and the things you must do to strengthen it. 1) Putting-Down Spouse's Friends/Family Don't badmouth your spouse or her/his friends, family or associates. Spouses need to know you appreciate their world outside of you. Rather, compliment her friends and family. 2) Not Using Good Listening Skills This includes indulging pre-occupation, avoiding eye contact, looking somewhere else as the conversation unfolds etc. Rather, use good eye contact, wait 'til your spouse finishes talking and concentrate so much on what s/he is saying that you paraphrase it to demonstrate you REALLY listened. 3) Lack of Sexual Interplay This is a very ominous sign in marriage. If your partner has complaints that prevent him/her from wanting to engage you sexually, get help. Seek medical and/or psychological counseling, if necessary. Men, don't get hung-up on wanting SEX-SEXUAL INTERCOURSE all the time. Be able to frequently engage your partner slowly and tenderly in a SENSUAL fashion without SEX. Don't worry, your penis won't explode because of pent-up semen. Don't leave your partner clueless as to why you aren't interested in sex. 4) Always Having the Last Word or Need to be Right This includes lecturing, criticizing and over-correcting your partner. Narcissists are HARD to love! Occasionally, admit that you made a mistake, don't know or compliment your partner as having made a "good point" (and leave it at that). Please be concise. Don't answer every question with a lecture on the topic. 5) Not Following-Thru Actions do speak louder than words. Be reliable and trustworthy. When you commit yourself to doing something, do it. This builds the trust necessary to maintain a close relationship. Trust involves everyday things, not just fidelity. 6) Inconsiderate Teasing Believe your spouse if s/he says that your teasing was hurtful or a put down. Don't give a lecture about why that wasn't correct. Just stop it. Ask yourself what s/he would find complimentary and say that instead. If you just LISTEN to your spouse you can learn alot. 7) Deceit, Lies and Falsehoods Having lies and secrets creates distance and serious suspicions in your mate. This leads to lack of trust and robs your relationship of the fuel it needs to keep going. Swallow, bite the bullet, be considerate and be honest. 8) Being Juvenile When you know you are annoying and you continue to annoy, it's immature and VERY wearing on a spouse. Find better ways to get attention and use healthy communication techniques to communicate your gripes. 9) Explosive Anger You must handle conflict constructively EVEN if your spouse doesn't. Having angry outbursts always makes you the loser, even if you ARE right. That's called being "self-defeating." Copyright, Shery, 2006 permanent penis enargement natural penis enlarement penis enhancement product pnis enlargement surgeon prosolution penis enargement pills penis enlagement pill magna rx free penile enlargement pills penis enlargement excersizes pnis enlargement traction device

22 March, l968 As it turned out, Johnny would visit Jill’s room off and on during the following weeks. And that strange woman that left the Belmont’s room brought along another woman, and on occasion, he’d catch her on her way down the steps and invite her into his room, although she’d had preferred ‘Jill,’ so she said. Tasma was not aware of most of this, but a little. Also, she had received at this time several letters from home by her parents, in particular her father, but she did not respond back. She was not certain what to say, she loved them, and Jill assured them she was fine, but it was too stressful for her to talk or write them. She did have a profound desire to please her father, and wishful thinking to please her mother, but it seemed she needed to learn how to please herself first, and to Jill, she did not blame them for anything, not anymore anyway. And had she started a communicational dialogue, they may have persuaded her to return, the one thing she did not want at this time. —Jill was in the kitchen—the ironing board was pulled out from an inner-cabinet built into the wall, a wall-unite if you will, it was kept snugly in, in which there was a door attached to it; Jill was ironing Tommy and Johnny’s cloths, another lover circle had stared. Both were arranged in separate piles. Mrs. Belmont was sitting at the table talking seriously to her; it was most unusual thought Tasma, for seldom did she see Mrs. Belmont other than at the bar talking to Jill. As Tasma neared them to join them, the subject—whatever it was—changed, and what appeared on Mrs. Belmont’s face was an un-cheerful smile, not unusual, but quite sudden, and it was apparent. Consequently, feeling a little awkward she left the kitchen to work on her diary-novel (some poems), in the living room in her usual spot; in effect, she could overhear bits and pieces now of their conversation. It didn’t occur to her to get up and leave, rather the opposite; she actually pretended to be busy writing and was simply drawing a picture undiscernibly. “It’s been going on for a while mom, I didn’t think it was, I mean it would end up like this.” “Get rid of him, or all of them.” “No, no, I don’t think Johnny will go so easy. He likes me, and thinks he can have me, and he has me of course.” “What about Tommy?” “I like him, I like him a lot, but that’s the problem, I don’t love him, I just like him.” “He’s what you need though. He’s more anchored.” [With scorn] “What the hell does anchored mean!” said Jill. “Ok, ok, I could have used a better term, Tommy likes to work and go to school, he’ll be somebody someday.” “Tommy doesn’t pay you a dime; Johnny does and Johnny works hard.” “Yes, he works hard all right, hard at drinking, screwing you and god knows who else—smoking that weed.” “So Tommy was screwing me and working.” “You’re going to lose him to that cousin of yours if you don’t hang on to him.” “Tasma,” she looked at Tasma reading, “you got to be kidding, she’s as naïve as a sparrow.” “So you say: does a pineapple come from a pine tree?” “No,” said Jill apprehensive, “now what does that mean?” “She’s not the little girl she was three, four months ago, or is it five or more? She has a good shape, and pretty face, and if Tommy can’t see it, I can. And so can a lot of men at the bar. Anyhow, Tasma is not the issue, Johnny and Tommy are.” (A long pause came, then with a cracking voice, and an almost whisper, she leaned over to her mother, and Tasma leaned over the arm of her chair): “I think I’m pregnant…” “Ay caramba,” she said in a sigh that slurred all the way to Tasma’s ears, “…now what?” “It’s Johnny’s, not Tommy’s, Tommy uses a rubber, and Johnny thinks it is not manly to do so.” It was momentarily hard for Jill to look her mother in the face; she was at this time, pacing the floor in a small circle as her mother followed her with her eyes. “Listen Jill, Johnny’s drinking with all the gang members at the bar, and he’s gambling, it’s just a matter of time before he gets in trouble with them.” (Some of the gang members had motorcycles, others cars, it was somewhat an unofficial bunch of criminals, in that they were but twenty of them that hung out at a number of bars). 23 Shan’t be a Minute Tasma found herself walking upstairs to her room, it was quieter in the kitchen, and figured, she had heard enough, a voice said, “Where are you going?” it was Jill, polite but to the point. “Shan’t be a moment,” was her answer. She wanted to tuck away her diary-novel, she had written some exposing things in it. And so she tucked away, under her pillow, as if it was safe, and her place was off limits to others, which in presumption it seemed to be. For the most part, she did not want to leave it laying about for someone to pick up accidentally. Life had seemed uncomplicated she thought, and now with Jill’s mother it seemed somewhat speculative, if not downright disjointed. It had now crossed her mind Tommy would find out the secret, the secret being Johnny’s behavior and her being pregnant, or so she said she was, and ‘I know about it,’ she felt as if she was a betrayer, be it to Jill or Tommy, or even Johnny. Down the stairway, into the living room she went. She looked outside through the bay-window and there was Mrs. Alice Whitehead getting into the car, she looked at Tasma, Tasma waved at her, she was a nice old lady, and it always seemed to her she had concern on her face for her. As she turned around looking towards the kitchen she noticed Mrs. Belmont sorting out bills: ‘I suppose she’s done talking to Jill now,’ was her thinking. “I talked to your mother a few days ago Tasma, she’s doing well and I told her likewise, you were doing well.” Tasma simply made a polite gesture, no verbal adjectives. “I want to do something today, a surprise, come with me,” asked Tasma, for some odd reason something had popped into her head. “What, may I ask, is on that devious mind of yours?” laughed Jill. —Tasma and Jill were gone for several hours, and arrived back home at about 6:00 PM. Johnny and Tommy were sitting in the living room watching TV. As they both walked into the house, both the boys were somewhat taken back a bit at Tasma’s appearance—if not down right, star-struck. Her long reddish hair was cut to where it reached only the nape of her neck. And she was wearing more makeup than she had before, the result: she looked a little fresher and less school-girlish, than before. Thought Tommy, ‘…before she seemed more delicate and fragile..,’ as he glanced at the poise she displayed as she smiled and stood in the middle of the room awaiting the verdict of the two young throbbing hearts, the heart breakers themselves. Johnny noticed her slender bones, and her nicely shaped neck was more defined (front and back). Tommy for some reason noticed her neatly-set breasts, small as they were—just above her small waist they were a hand full no more. Yet her slyness somewhat removed, still left her with a harmless effect. Her nervousness was repressed for the most part. Along with all that, with all the money she had saved up, she also purchased some bath salts, talcum powder and a small mirror, which she duplicated for Jill as a gift for allowing her to stay. She had spent her $100-dollars she had saved. For some odd reason, Tasma had glanced back into the kitchen, expecting to see Mrs. Belmont, but of course was not surprised when she was not there, she usually would go to the bar around this time, either she had missed her, or she was in her room preparing to go. The boys looked at one another in jest, and laughed. Said Johnny with his normal side joking way, “So now you’ve grown up, welcome to the real world kid, looks like you’re willing to join us.” Tasma knew Johnny’s ways and knew that was better left alone. “It makes you feel good,” commented Jill; meaning spending money on oneself for preservation purposes, or simply for a change in one’s life. But there was concern in Jill’s unseen eyes, in her cerebellum. She was no psychologist, like Skinner or Pavlov with his salivating dogs (who worked on association), but the boys were kind of salivating, restlessly slobbering might be a better way of putting it, if not downright uneasy, with this new Tasma look. Everyone had gone to bed now, it was Jill’s turn to sit downstairs in the sofa-chair for once, wondering, thinking, not sure of her next move. ‘I just don’t get it,’ she asked herself, ‘why am I so attracted to Johnny, and going with Tommy? Tasma wouldn’t have the answer even if I asked her, nor mom, facts are facts, feelings are feelings, I don’t sense they are neither right or wrong, they just are. Johnny makes love as if he was a mad man and seems almost barbaric, and I think of him when I make love to Tommy—it’s just unthinkable. I wonder how Tommy’s new book will turn out. Can you love two people at once, at one time? A good question; I think I do, or maybe it is lust, how do I know, I’m just…(pause) will be nineteen in a month. Mom said: love is a choice. I say love is a feeling. I wonder what Tasma would say. I know Tommy feels love through his penis, like Johnny, all men do, kind of, sort of—most of the time; but Tommy is more willing to be dedicated, I think. I have learned men are attracted by looking, but I like touch.’ On her way to her bedroom, she stopped at Tasma’s room, knocked lightly, “Can I come in just for a moment?” she asked. “Why sure you can,” answered Tasma with a thoughtful voice. “I had a great day with you today, and thanks again for the things you bought me (this was a good lead-in she thought to bait her for a question to be soon asked), but I have a question, somehow I think you’re going to oversimplify the answer but I’ll ask it anyhow. How do you know if you’re in love with a person?” Surprisingly, Tasma answered Jill with foreknowledge, “You mean you are having a hard time trying to figure who you want, Tommy or Johnny?” (A tight look went over Jill’s face.) “Yes, yes, that is where I’m coming from; I didn’t know it was so obvious.” “It’s becoming obvious Jill, it was the first day Johnny came through the door, and it has progressively taken a greater shape to it. But in regards to your answer, I’ve never been in love so I might be the wrong person to ask, but I do know this, as simple as it may be: if I wanted to go out with Johnny, I couldn’t be in love with Tommy—that much. I mean, I’d think whoever you were in love with—you’d not want to go out with anyone else; you’d kind of want to stop shopping around for another person, or so I believe. If I was to get married, I’d not want to go out with anyone else: and if I did, I’d know that I was not ready for marriage, to him or anyone, if that makes any sense.” But to Jill it made all the sense in the world. She was sleeping with Tommy at night, and wanted to be with Johnny. “What do you think I should do?” asked Jill. “I think you already know; I don’t think I need to say anymore. My heart is with you, no matter what the outcome is.” Then Tasma hugged her tightly. 24 Reset As the next two weeks passed a kind of silence took over the house, people talked less to one another, I suppose you could say, Jill was the life of the house, and now she was deep in thought. Everyone tried to keep busy and pretend things were normal, but they of course knew they were not. The Belmont’s kept their normal schedule, and the pretense lingered. Tasma had finished up with Tommy’s book on San Francisco, and had explained to him how she liked the ending of ‘Bustling,’ by his fake name Colleen Grant; she commented to Tommy: “The younger woman fell in love with the older man, but she had psychological issues, and she was too fragile for him to care for her emotional illness, and he was too sick biologically for her to care for him. It was a sad ending I thought, but had they married: love would not have been enough, as they wished, they’d both had ruined the life of the other. Yet they remained friends as they parted, matter of fact they remained friends until he died at the age of eighty-years old, and her, at eighty-two.” She then read a poem she was working on for him: “I haven’t put it in my book or diary yet, but here it is I’ll read it to you from the paper (Tommy sat inquisitively on the edge of her bed): The Maiden from Seattle When she walked into the light The door to life, grew black as Night, And her earth began to swell (This youthful beauty of Seattle); At first glance— Fell this youth from high Aching to touch the morning sky. Who dare take this maiden’s hand? To help her though this silent land! Ah! From hair, to heart, to breast: Like faded flowers in the ground Fleshless alms, could not be found, And so she remains—bound! Said Tommy in surprise, “I like it, I think a little or maybe a lot of you is in the poem; I think you’re going to be a Mrs. Plath, or Dickinson some day.” —The following day Tommy had come into Tasma’s room unexpectantly, “Are you still writing your story?” he asked. She looked at Tommy, “Just some poems, and dairy notes, really haven’t gotten into the plot or theme of anything in particular yet; not sure how to get it going.” “Let me see, maybe I can help you” he said. Yet Tasma was still bewildered of his rudeness to just kind of enter at will; she liked him and didn’t want to scare him away, on the other hand, she was not going to join any love-circle. She leaped quickly to her pillow, then it dawned on her, she had much information in it about Johnny, Jill, Tommy and, none other but the: The Lady in Black, as she referred to her in the diary. But had she not jumped, she thought afterwards, had she not jumped she’d had not given away her hiding place, although it was no vault for sure—I mean, a mouse could have found it had it looked for it. “I, I have too many personal things in it, private things, I’d rather you not see,” said Tasma as she currently held the book in the middle of her chest; as she got off the bed with her one knee, fully turning about now, she tripped on her shoe and the book fell, Tommy quickly grabbed it and opened it. Tasma saw him reading it, and needed to do something quick, she grabbed it out of his hands and jumped on the bed, her dress flying above her waist showing her underwear and all. Somehow Tommy found the child in him, and jumped on her bed trying to grab the diary from her as they rolled around in the bed; now Tommy hovering over her, his legs between hers. “What are you two up to?” questioned a voice in the background, it was Jill: she had heard the ruckus. “My fault, I was trying to get her diary from her, I started to read something quite interesting,” he looked at Jill halfheartedly. Had he gone back any farther, thought Tasma: The Lady in Black was there. Jill looked at Tasma in an indefatigably way, “I see I wasn’t invited to the party—”and slipped off to her bedroom where she just looked out the window aimlessly. In a way it didn’t bother her about what she’d seen, but on the other hand, she was jealous. When Tommy left the bedroom to join Jill he didn’t know whose child it was; he had only read up to ‘I overheard her say to her mother she was pregnant today by….” He could not ask Tasma to betray Jill, it would be too much to ask, if anything, Jill might be betraying him, it was indicative of her. —In the following days, Tasma noticed Tommy and Jill fought quite a lot; and Tommy was not a person to be irritated easily, it must be that she was leading Tommy to believe it could be his child, Tasma thought. Then one evening she noticed Tommy sleeping on the coach, and Johnny still remaining in his bedroom. During this interval, Johnny entertained himself in his bedroom, hoping Tommy and Jill would sort things out—thus he remained in kind of a queue, waiting for Jill’s signal to return, somehow he had come to that conclusion she would. He found himself pacing the floor at night, saying, ‘I wish, whatsitsname, would…’ and never ended the sentence. —I must make this awkward at this point, his mind broke off the subject of Jill and Tommy after the first week, his insides became external. He looked at himself, pretending he was not feeling this serge; he had not guessed at this until it engulfed him, there was stern on his face—and, toil in his hand. A cold shower might work he thought, but it was too far away. He felt he was on a fast run; he hardened his body like a weightlifter, a boxer ready to take a punch. This lasted two weeks, finally an agreement came about, Jill would sleep with Johnny, and Tommy would sleep in Johnny’s room, and in due time Tommy would have to leave, approximately in a few months, considering once she started to show it would only provoke issues within the household, or so she felt. The real problem was that Johnny did not have the heart to tell Jill he liked the way things were, and he really liked Lorie to a higher degree. He wanted his sex, but could find it elsewhere if need be, now he’d have to resort to living in her bedroom, and his alone time would be altered. In addition, Lorie was somewhat out of the picture for he had not seen her in weeks as he waited for this all to settle, but he’d see her again is what he was planning. Again, everything seemed in the air now. But to resist the plan would be too premature at the moment he deliberated out. In spite of the tension, things appeared to move about on a regular base for a few more weeks. However, Johnny was starting to hang out with the gang more often now, with their motorcycles, and customized old cars. He was doing a lot more drinking and gambling with the gang members. They had even stopped on a few occasions at Jill’s house looking for Johnny, taking pains to find him, going out of their way it would seem. It came to her attention; Johnny owed them money, how much it wasn’t said (but it was close to $6,000-dollars). They’d not go to his work; it was one thing the groups forbid: that being, to endanger a man’s livelihood was not being a man at all. They could do almost anything else, even kill you, but not jeopardize your job: that was considered a low blow. Out of nervousness, Tasma started to keep her distance from the group at the bar, if she could, she would have vanished into thin air.