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The majority of parents do a good job teaching their children to beware of strangers. Yet most victims of child sexual abuse know the sex offender.
In a study of twenty adult sex offenders conducted by Jon Conte, Steven Wolf and Tim Smith; two of the key questions asked were:
1. “Was there something about the child’s behavior which attracted you to the child?”
Responses included:
• “The warm and friendly child or the vulnerable child…Friendly, showed me their panties.”
• “The way the child would look at me, trustingly.”
• “The child who was teasing me, smiling at me, asking me to do favors.”
• “Someone who had been a victim before—[spanking or inappropriate touch]—quiet, withdrawn, compliant. Someone, who had not been a victim would be more non-accepting of the sexual language or stepping over the boundaries of modesty… Quieter, easier to manipulate, less likely to object or put up a fight…goes along with things.”
2. “After you had identified a potential victim, what did you do to engage the child into sexual contact?
Responses included:
• “I didn’t say anything. It was at night, and she was asleep.
• “Talking, spending time with them, being around them at bedtime, being around them in my underwear, sitting down on the bed with them… Constantly evaluating the child’s reaction… A lot of touching, hugging, kissing, snuggling.”
• “Playing, talking, giving special attention, trying to get the child to initiate contact with me… From here I would initiate different kinds of contact, such as touching the child’s back, head… Testing the child to see how much she would take before she would pull away.
• “Isolate them from any other people. Once alone, I would make a game of it (red light, green light with touching up their leg until they said stop). Making it fun.”
• “Most of the time I would start by giving them a rub down. When I got them aroused, I would take the chance and place my hand on their penis to masturbate them. If they would not object, I would take this to mean it was Okay... I would isolate them. I might spend the night with them… Physical isolation, closeness, contact are more important than verbal seduction.”
We cannot ignore the sophistication of sex offenders’ efforts to desensitize the child through the gradual development of a relationship with the child and progressing from non-sexual touch (touching a leg, back or head) to sexual touch. Given that 95-99 percent of sex offenders are people their victims know and trust—family members and other trusted adults—even children as young as two can be taught to know what to do to protect him/herself.
For a child who has been taught only to say, “No’ to touching his/her private parts—one of the consequences of this relationship building and desensitization process is self-blame. By the time the child realizes that his/her private parts were touched—the damage is done—and the child may believe he/she has given consent to the abuse. He/she thinks because he/she did not say, “No” when the adult rubbed her/his back or head, he/she is to blame. It only takes one second for a sex offender to stick his tongue into a child’s mouth when he is giving a ‘traditional family’ kiss on the lips. It only takes one second for a sex offender to put his hand up a girl’s leg and touch a child’s labia while she sits on his lap.
Studies reveal that teaching a child to say, “No” has little impact because it is rare a child will affect more than weak resistance against a known sex offender. Furthermore, the sex offender will usually ignore a simple, “No.” The sex offender uses subtle or blatant threats, intimidating the child into compliance and silence.
My book, If I’d Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, emphasizes six important prevention techniques.
• Non-violation of sacred Body boundaries—to thwart the sex offender who counts on—a child who has been violated before—quiet, withdrawn, compliant. Someone, who had not been a victim, would be more non-accepting of the sexual language or stepping over the boundaries of modesty… Quieter, easier to manipulate, less likely to object or put up a fight…goes along with things.”
• Good, Appropriate Touch
• Appropriate Body Boundaries
• Good Body Image
• Tell Mommy and Daddy Everything—No Secrets Rule
• Appropriate Suspicion
Appropriate Suspicion (intuition, a.k.a. sixth sense) alone when acted upon empowers the child to thwart the majority of would-be sex offenders. Coupled with the other five techniques—your child is well prepared to stop every sex offender in their tracks.
Trusting and acting on your intuition or sixth sense and allowing your child to trust his/her intuition is paramount to protecting children from sex offenders, no matter whether they are family members, family friends, doctors, dentists, teachers, etc. Children are naturally intuitive and often sense an adult’s ulterior motives, although you may not suspect anything.
We need to accept the reality that no one can be considered exempt from being a sex offender, including all family members. As a parent, be appropriately suspicious and trust your intuition. If you err in evaluating a situation, make the error on the side of your child. The important factor is not that you have avoided offending someone, but that you have protected your child, until you can investigate further.
The title of my book, If I’d Only Known… is the lament of my friend’s daughter whose three-year-old son was sexually abused by her step-mother’s ten-year-old son. If only I had known that he would potentially abuse other children because he was sexually abused, I would never have let John play in the backyard alone with him.” She was right, if only parents knew the fact that sexual abuse is perpetrated, ‘anywhere, anytime, and by someone you least expect, they could protect children from this heinous crime.
Another important aspect of child protection is taking responsibility.
“Those who ignore the past are condemned to repeat it.” –Jean-Paul Sartre
“We are not only responsible for what we do, but also, for what we don’t do.” –Voltaire
“The worst way you can choose is to choose no way at all.” –Friedrich II
“Every choice we make, every thought and feeling we have, is an act of power that has biological, environmental, social, personal and global consequences.” –Caroline Myss
“You can not change that which you do not acknowledge. –Dorothy M. Neddermeyer
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Are you one of the more than 1 million men in America who know they have some type of prostate problem? Then, this encouraging information is for you.
I remember when I first found out that I had the beginnings of prostate enlargement. Visions of restricted urination, cancer, surgery and eventually death, haunted me.
Research indicates that 1 in 3 men past the age of 40 will develop prostate problems. The American Cancer Society projects that over a quarter of a million men will die from Prostate cancer in the USA this year. Further statistics indicate that;
* One in six men will get prostate in his life.
* An American man dies every 18 minutes from prostate cancer - The second leading cause of male cancer in the United States.
* The chance of getting prostate cancer is one in three if you have just one close relative (father, brother) with the disease. The risk if five fold if you have two close relatives. With three, it is an almost certain (97%) that you'll get prostate cancer.
** American Cancer Society.
Enlargement of the prostate gland is known as “benign-hypertrophy”. If not prevented or treated, many times it becomes infected which is “Prostatitus”.
Research has shown that the prostate has the highest zinc content of any tissue in the body. Zinc is that one ingredient in the diet that helps prevent benign-hypertrophy or the enlargement of the prostate.
Excess cadmium is as enemy of zinc, which is required in large amounts by the prostate gland. High sugar and flour-rich foods in large amounts result in Zinc loss and cadium retention. Diet is very important. Smoking cigarettes increases cadium intake and lowers zinc levels in the prostate. The lack of sufficient good clean drinking water also inhibits the flushing out of bacteria population.
One can stop smoking and one can intake more water. But, the real kicker is the needed increase in zinc and other nutrients. We can certainly up the amount of vegetables we eat which will help, but the truth is, our food supply is so deficient in nutrients, that we cannot consume enough food to meet the demand. That is where good physician formulated natural supplements come in. I was lucky. I knew a doctor personally who formulates these supplements; and they worked for me.
But, there are several sources for these good nutrients. Some designer supplements are better than others. You will have to look around and evaluate them and chose the best. Make sure that they include Zinc Picolinate, Saw Palmetto Extract, Pygeum Africanum and preferably in a good Azyme base. Take sufficient quantities and start early, age 20 would be great!
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Each one of us wants to look attractive and beautiful. At times, birth defects, accidents scars and ageing leave their mark on our bodies, which need to be rectified. This rectification can be accomplished by means of cosmetic surgery.
Meaning of Cosmetic Surgery:
The term cosmetic surgery implies a modern surgical wonder, which deals with the makeover of facial and body tissues, requiring reshaping. This is done to look normal or improve the physical appearance. This is also known as plastic surgery. These days it has become a lifestyle enhancement procedure. People from all walks of life are willing to look pretty and attractive, be it with cosmetic surgery. There is an obstacle for people from an average financial background as cosmetic surgery is a costly affair. To add to the expenses, normally insurance companies do not cover the cost of plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes.
Irrespective of its cost and no insurance coverage, there are a number of ways to pay for plastic surgery costs. It will come in the form cosmetic surgery loans.
Instant Cosmetic Surgery Loan: Amount, Terms and Conditions
The cosmetic surgery financing offers loans for all cosmetic, plastic, dental, laser, gastric, bypass and infertility surgery. You may use any doctor of your choice, preferably a certified surgeon. Clarify surgeon’s fees. Then approach the finance company for cosmetic surgery loan. The loan amount can go up to £25000. Interest rates as low as 9.9% are available for cosmetic surgery loan. It may go up as high as 13% to 28% in case you make faults with repayment. Higher rate of interest is charged if you have a bad credit record. The duration of repayment ranges from 24 to 60 months, in most cases there is no down payment. All finance applicants must be aged 18 or above.
For Women, such loan is available for:
Ear Reshaping, Chin /Cheek Implants, Lip Enhancement, Eye Bag Removal, Face Lift, Glycolic Peel, Nose Reshaping, Wrinkles, Isolagen, Female Genitalia, Fat Removal, Thigh Lift, Tummy Tuck Thread, Vein Removal, Breast Implants, Breast Uplift, Breast Reduction, etc.
Loans for male cosmetic surgery are available for the following:
Ear Reshaping, Face Lift, Chin/ Cheek Implants, Lip Enhancement, Eye Bag Removal, Glycolic Peel, Nose Reshaping, Wrinkles, Penis Enlargement, Fat Removal, Thigh Lift, etc.
Cosmetic dentistry including Tooth whitening, Veneers Instant orthodontics / braces, Metal free ceramic caps or crowns with no black margins, 'Cosmetic' dental implants, Gum re-shaping, Tooth re-shaping, 'Invisible' tooth colored fillings, etc.
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My humble relationship advice for women at 40.
Recently, I had the opportunity to play a round of golf with a female friend of mine and two of her female friends as well. After a great round of golf, we went back to her house where I proceeded to cook dinner for all of us.
Because I was a friend, male and cooking dinner, the ladies seemed to feel very comfortable talking in front of me about their dating lives.
Holy cow. What an eye opener that was.
Let me first start by saying, I am not all that and a bag of chips -far from it actually. I have my hang ups and feel the normal insecurities most of us face on a daily basis.
What I heard and experienced that fateful night at dinner almost made me run screaming from the house.
As the night progressed and wine flowed, I began to see a side of this group of three women that had me questioning if I would ever date again. I have never heard a group of people bitch and gripe about so many people in my entire life. They looked like three Queens, sipping red wine and damning the rest of us who happen to be male to the guillotine.
I felt like asking them if they saw any correlation between the fact they had such impossibly high standards for men and the fact they were all single themselves. Furthermore, it appeared this group of forty something women had never had a serious relationship, either past or present, where they seemed sincerely happy.
I am not suggesting all women are like this.
If however, you find you are approaching forty or on the North side of forty, single and without any prospects for any kind of date soon, you may want to consider the following advice.
If you are looking for perfection from a man then you damn well better bring perfection to the table yourself.
These three women were holding up impossibly high standards that no man could realistically attain.
One woman in the group was obviously very good looking, had a good job, loved golf and seemed very bright. There was a litany of stories from her about failed relationships and unsuccessful dating experiences.
Nice guy, cute, clean and neat, great job but drove a crappy car. Perhaps he didn’t see the value in wasting money on a sports car? Perhaps he valued saving some of his money for later in life?
Great guy, great job and great everything else but had a weird haircut and ear hair.
Awesome guy, sincere, respectful, bright, witty and charming but was not well enough endowed.
I’m not suggesting women settle for any reason. None of us should do that. I am saying that we all need to set realistic expectations of what we are looking for in a date.
What would happen if the great guy with the crappy car were given a chance to explain himself? What would happen if Mr. Awesome with the small penis had a good friend who could make livestock weep and cry? If they had given any of these guys half a chance, they may have found their potential dating circle may have expanded nicely.
I have no trouble getting dates. It’s not because I am the best looking guy, with a great body, a million dollar bank account, a fantastic car and I could stand in for Ron Jeremy. I get dates because I realize I am far from perfect but I am a sincerely nice person. My expectations for myself are realistic and more importantly, I set realistic expectations for my dates.
We have all heard women pine for the good guys in a relationship, wondering where they are. How come there are no good guys left they seem to constantly complain.
There are nice guys out there. They do exist!
Ladies, you need to give some of us a chance. Dating is a lot like poker; you have to know how to play the cards you have been dealt. You can only bluff for so long. If these women continue to play their hands the way they have been going, it is only a matter of time before someone calls their hand.
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It might be surprising to know this, but men are terrified of being a failure regarding sexual relations.
Of course, most men will never, ever admit to this fear because they believe if they admit to it, then they also need to admit they have a problem with.
And if they actually had a problem with it, well...then I guess they just aren't man enough for their partner. Seems like twisted logic I know...but that's how a man thinks.
I know...because I am one.
Pressure
Men seem to think, they need to keep up not with the Jones....but all of their male friends who happen to enjoy sharing stories about their sexual conquests.
It's really not uncommon for men to stretch the truth, regarding their past sexual experiences, as well as their present sexual abilities.
Perhaps that's exactly why sexual performance issues are one of the most frequently searched topics on the Internet? And guess who's doing the searches?
You've got it right...it's the men.
Women having sexual dysfunction issues speak openly to their doctors about them, once they have overcome the guilt of not being able to be fully intimate with their lovers.
But while women with performance issues need to overcome psychological/emotional issues usually secondary due to some form of abuse or neglect as a child...men's sexual performance issues don't necessarily stem from any tragedies or events in their childhood.
It's a guy thing...
The performance issues for men are directly related to his anatomy.
That's the way we were made ... to be able to have sex, ejaculate and produce offspring.
Men weren't made to be "great lovers" who can last hours on end. To be honest, most men would give just about anything to last more than a few minutes.
Using a male enhancement program (also referred to as a penis enlargement program) men are able to develop control over their ejaculatory sensations while they enlarge their size and width.
Most men, who are able to increase their size by following an enlargement program develop the ability to not only last longer in bed, but sometimes harness and further develop their ejaculation strength.
Problem Solved?
Does that mean...men should simply follow an enlargement program and all of their problems would be solved?
Far from it...
It does mean though...that whatever program a man decides to utilize, should be developed and operated by a professional who has had the experience dealing with a variety of men's health problems.
Sometimes the answer to a mans sexual performance issues might be hormonal in nature, and only a trained professional could be able to make that distinction and possible offer effective measures.
